Dreams of Future Past

Tomorrow marks two months since Cleo had her surgery and I got the dreadful news that the operation didn’t go well at all. I had hoped for another lucky winning hand like we were dealt in Abbie’s case. Were despite the odds my girl that I loved so dearly would pull through. Only this time the cards were stacked against us.

Cleo, Maggie & Zoe Monster

I have to be honest Dr Wise hinted it would be best to put Cleo to sleep. She said that her care would be intensive and that Cleo was not going to get any better. In hindsight I am glad I got these two months to spend with Cleo and to say our good-byes.

Cleo did require almost constant care. I’ve done hospice type care on several fosters before so it wasn’t like this would be new. Besides Cleo was not a foster dog – she was my best long time friend. Over the last few months our bond grew even closer. That’s why I mentioned I thought I had come to terms with losing her. In the end each case of watching something dear to you slip away is unique – Cleo being no different.

Toby, Sydney & Scarlett from 2007 

Sadly over the past three years we have lost fifteen of our senior hounds. Eight have been from my original crew I put together over a decade ago – my bassets Maggie, Zoe, now Cleo, Toby, Sydney, and Samantha, and Beagle and Ban Bam. Each of those losses tore huge holes in my heart. Sometimes I sit at night and wonder how I can continue to suffer such tremendous feeling of loss with each passing. The answer is really simple – life grants you great memories that come with great burdens. I would never trade the memories simply to escape the pain that comes with not being able to build more memories.

Not much changes through the years - - from 2002

I share many of those private moments the hounds and I have had through the years with our friends. I also remind people that despite the hardships I still consider myself very blessed to be able to share my life with the hounds I so deeply love. 

For people who have no clue who I am or how we live to suggest my life is unhappy or I have any bottled up anger in my life they simply are ignorant and clueless. The last thing I do every night is say good night to my beloved hounds.

I don’t do that as a unit – or pack but individually. In most cases the hounds have their own bedtime routine whether it’s crawling up for a quick scratch on the chest before scurrying off to her bed like Abigail or wandering over to my bed for a pat on the head like Dano. Several of the hounds claim their spot in bed – whether its Agnes stealing my pillow or Poe stretched out by my feet.

Rise and shine its a new morning

In the morning I’m the first one up. Our routine then turned into waking each of the hounds and escorting them out for their morning walk. That is pretty much how the whole day goes – whether its our meal time routine, watching the morning news or the two hours I spend in the evening watching TV – the days are focused around those routines.

Its not to say I don’t squeeze in things that need done in between including some me time on the computer or many of my other pastimes I enjoy doing. But we are a large family unit. When one passes, like Cleo and beagle – they are most missed during those daily routines. I find myself remembering how Beagle liked her dish or how I would prepare our queen something special because she was our queen.

Life goes on around here because it is a routine. I may just plow through the paces still thinking about my loss but I do so with a spirit that keeps the other hounds high-spirited. As I think about our losses I am realistic in understanding there will be more. Of the twenty hounds still part of our extended pack only six are under four years old. Only eight are under six years old. Nineteen are between the ages of ten to eighteen years of age.



Our sweet dream Agnes

Dreams are a strange concept. Philosophers talk about reaching for your dreams to find true happiness. I dream of days gone past. Those are the dreams that bring solace to my soul. One thing I’ve come to understand about life is you can’t turn back the page – you can’t stop the clock and all you can do is try and build dreams that give your soul the same comfort as days gone past.

Since we can’t turn back the page to yesterday and we surely can’t bet on tomorrow the only thing that works is too live each day to its fullest with the cards you have to play. Fortunately, I am still surrounded by a pack of happy, loving hounds that manage to keep me more than busy every day. We push through our daily routine looking to build more cherished memories for days to come.       These moments in time are the dreams of future past.

Cleo's Final Journey

Journey to the Heavens

Yesterday I took the dreaded slow trip out to Jackson Lake to lay my sweet girl Cleo to rest. It seems we’ve made this journey far too often. The hounds and I are blessed with some remarkably kind friends. In times of great sadness I lean on my friend Bill who helped set up a small burial plot for several of my precious hounds were they could rest peacefully on his farm. 

While I thought I had prepared myself for her departure during the last two months since we received the dreadful news of her illness that wasn’t the case. Once the finality of losing her set in all the emotions of losing your best friend set in. Cleo was the last survivor who had helped me through the passing of my father in 2001. I brought Cleo along with Maggie and Zoe to dad’s funeral. Afterwards we traveled for four or five months at a wicked pace trying to outrun the demons of despair that had set in. Ultimately this would lead to becoming involved in rescue which not only saved hundreds of hounds but my own sense of purpose as well.

I found Cleo living on a chain in a dirt filled yard in south Florida’s "Cuban Ghetto". Cleo was only a year old and she shared the backyard with an overly energetic pit puppy about the same age. Their chains were separated but the pit puppy was close enough to take a swipe out of her nose. She was petrified.

Cleo's first picture after her bath - she wasn't sure what was going on

 
I found here answering a classified ad in the morning news. The girl I was with told me I didn’t need a third basset but once I saw that look of fear in her eyes I wasn’t leaving without here. A problem came up when the woman told me in broken english she wanted $100 for Cleo. I told her I only had $60 but wasn’t leaving without her. So, I offered her a deal – pulling out my cell phone I told her "$60 and I won’t call animal control". I never saqw anyone agree so fast. At first I laughed and told my friend she probably didn’t have a green card but later I realized she was probably concerned about the illegal pit bull she had instead.

Learning the rules - there ne no sleeping on the floor

Cleo never spent a day living on a chain ever again. In my heart I know Cleo lived a wonderful life. Not only me but with her adopted siblings Maggie and Zoe. That bond remained even as our family of hounds grew.

For twelve and a half years Cleo gave back a love that was priceless. She had a certain grace that brought smiles to adults and laughter to children. Strangers would ask if they could pet "my dog" and I would simply tell them to ask her? Cleo always obliged. I like to think once you met Cleo - she left a lasting impression that always brought a smile to your face. She was loved by many.

I knew Cleo was closing down in her final hours. I was by her side letting her know what a truly great dog she was and that it was all right to let go. Cleo was fighter. I truly believe she fought on not wanting to disappoint me. Cleo was loyal in her love right up to her last dying breath.

While the tears have slowed and eventually the images and memories will be replaced with smiles but life will never be quite the same around here. For twelve and a half years now I never went to sleep at night without sharing a final lights out "Night Cleo – daddy loves you". It was those words on her passing that started the tears flowing.

In the end I talked to her about going to sleep so she could see Maggie and Zoe again. She is in a more peaceful place now. In times of great grief music and words can play a powerful role in moving one’s mind from sorrow to remembering the good times shared building those priceless memories we cherish till our final breath.

An English songwriter Peter Green wrote a song that always mesmerized feelings deep inside my conscious soul. The song was written in 1969 called Closing My Eyes. It on a old Fleetwood Mac album called "Then Play On".

"Then Play On" is a mindset that reminds me to continue living each day one at a time. That is what life is all about – playing on.

In loving memory of my girl I’ll close with this song as I press on feeding on her smile.

Written by guitarist / vocalist - leader of the Band - Peter Green.

John Mc Vie [bass]
Danny Kirwan [guitar / vocal]
Mick Fleetwood [drum]
Jeremy Spencer [slide guitar / vocal]
Peter Green [guitar / vocal]

Lyrics -

Now it's the same as before
And I'm alone again

With no sorrow for myself
And I'm blaming no one else

And closing my eyes
And seeing you standing there

Now it's the same as before
You've touched me with your love

And though you're in my heart
We're still a world apart
As now I'm back to the time
Where I would search for a dream
But no use to try anymore as before
Someday I'll die, and maybe then I'll be with you


Rest in Peace - Till We Meet

So I'm closing my eyes
To hear the people laugh

For they're all aglow
Not knowing where to go

But is it asking too much
When the question is what to do
With the life I'll have
It seems I know nothing now
Except my love for you
And the strength in my hands
To go on feeding your smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ol5vqE4PVdc

You've got a friend

Agnes - MDAS Survivor

 

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right

Mr Gibbs - Heard County Animal Control Survivor

Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

Frannie - Heard County Animal Control Surviver

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am

I'll come running to see you again

Lucy Moonchild - abandoned on a country road

Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

Lilly

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow

Albert



Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door

Georgia on my mind

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am

 

Bam Bam

I'll come running to see you
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there

 

Mulligan found crippled abandoned on a dirt road

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold



Sydney Barrett MDAS Survivor

They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them
 

Beagle - Gas Chamber Survivor

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall 

Ellie Mae Walton County Animal Control

 

All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

 

 

 

Poe Poe, a dream within a dream

Today we celebrate our sweet beagle dream. A dream known as Poe Poe to honor his dream. Poe's dream has been a beacon of light shining through darkness of night. This dreamer renamed this sweet boy Poe-Poe to honor the icon who's namesake he represents. It was nine years ago today that Poe entered my life, a dream within a dream that came through the darkness of night.

Today we celebrate that dream. Poe's dream was to simply love and be loved; that's the dream Poe now lives.


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Poe Poe and Bam Bam

Born in the spring of 2001, could it be destiny or fate that our lives would soon cross or just a night's dream running late? In a dream Poe must have been a sweet little beagle boy - all innocent and sweet like all puppies are.

Somewhere before he was two that dream got lost. He found himself lost in a nightmare of doubt abandoned by those he loved and left to fend for himself.

Poe was found wandering along the side of the road. His savior was a local vet tech who spotted Poe; opened the door and Poe jumped in. This forgotten mangy looking soul was now in the arms of his savior.

Was it fate or a dream that answered I answered a call from Poe's now desperate savior needing a place for Poe to go before animal control was called. Poor Poe was lost in a maze of unwanted fog unable to see any beacon of light. One look at Poe's sweet but pathetic face was all that fate would need. Poe found his dream and fate would reward us with our dream as well.

When I first met Poe he had been left behind at a local vet's. Poe's savior brought Poe to work and took great care to help stop the suffering this poor boy had been left to endure.

For dreamers the life we see during the darkness of night are our life's dream.

It's our dreams just before the dawn ekes out the darkness of the night and our prayers of faith in the light that reward us by honoring our dreams.

It was then that this kind woman gave Poe his greatest gift, she sought out a dreamer who would help Poe rekindle his dream.

In the nine wonderful years living Poe's dream he has been a beacon of light whom I am quite proud.   A beacon of hope of dreams that come true down through the clouds.

My sweet little Poe is no longer young yet with his touch of grey he is now my forever friend.   As we stumble through life's valley's and peak's, one thing is certain our dreams do come true.  It is our dreams that will make our lives complete - not the promises of riches we can not spend.  Life promises us nothing but the riches of finding our dreams.

There are those throughout the history of time who tell you - to find your dreams you must be a dreamer yourself.

We might all be different and lost in life's fog, but in the end aren't we all just living Poe's dream within a dream?

"A Dream within a Dream"

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

Edgar Allen "Poe"

A Brand New Day

Abbie and Cleo - a bond formed years ago

From the onset I realized that while I am extremely pleased with our dear Abbie's physical improvements after surgery to remove her cancerous front leg I also realize that even though we've climbed that mountain together our real journey starts now.




Well the first days are the hardest days
Don't you worry any more
Cause when life looks like Easy Street
There is danger at your door
Think this through with me
Let me know your mind
Wo, oh, what I want to now is are you kind?
Uncle John's Band

It's difficult to judge what Abbie's thinking after waking up to find her leg gone.  It is obvious her new life is a complete shock.  What Abbie needs most now is a little "are you kind".  This isn't going to be easy for me or Abbie but together with the bond we've formed over the past eleven years will help make this transition go forward.  It will take lots of time but hopefully we now have the advantage of having that time.

Everything Abbie does from this day forward will be different.  She'll need a new place to eat and get her water, she'll need a new routine for going outside to take care of her business, she'll need to learn that life will still have everything she enjoys doing but will simply be different.  What won't be different is the amount of love and support she gets from both me and some of the other hounds.

Last night I saw the hounds like Cleo, Agnes, Beagle and Poe all step up and form a circle of love around their long time fellow pack member.  Cleo and Agnes stayed by Abbie's side throughout the night.  I've never doubted the therapeutic effect that packs have when one has been injured or falls seriously ill.  Of course as alpha leader in our pack I reaffirmed the role the "elders" play in helping bring things back to normal for Abbie.  I count on the help from some of the older hounds in helping keep the newer members of the household in their place.

Over the next five days Abbie will be heavily sedated in order to help allow her wound to start the healing process.  The wound itself looks clear.  She is quite painful so her schedule will be broken down into little steps we will take.  She did go out this morning but turned around and wanted back in.  I offered her breakfast but at first she wasn't interested.  So I sat there and hand fed her a few bites and left her alone.  When I came back she was eating some of her breakfast.  Then she went back to sleep.  We'll try again with taking her out and encouraging her to eat every few hours.

Later today I'm going to move a large cage in the bedroom and use it only to put her food in.  Hopefully I can teach her that when she's hungry there will be food in the cage where the rest of the hounds haven't had access to.  It was kind of funny when the staff told me they tried to feed Abbie but she turned her nose up to everything but a few treats.  I was going to mention that Abbie has a thing about her food - she really wants to watch you prepare it or she takes this attitude you must be trying to poison her and won't touch it.  Besides, only dad knows what she likes.

As we move forward on introducing Abbie to her new life we'll just take things real slow and take things one day at a time.  Days we are now blessed with thanks to a whole bunch of Abbie's dear friends and we thank you all.

Memories of Zoe

Today marks two years since the passing of Zoe Monster. 

"God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you; whispered come with me. With tearful eyes, I watched and saw you drift away.  Although I loved you more than you'll ever know I could not make you stay.  A golden heart stopped beating as I stroked your soft coat.  God broke my heart to prove he only takes the best".  While your loss has proved to be more than I thought I could endure your heart still is close as memories inside my heart."

Today marks two years since the passing of my dear sweet Zoe Monster.  Zoe's passing came only weeks after losing Maggie.  I had just come to lean on Zoe to help me deal with losing Maggie when her time came as well.  Maggie and Zoe set the stage for the hundreds of hounds to follow.  They were inseparable in life and live on together in their passing.

I found Zoe in August 2001 while visiting South Florida.  Zoe was listed as "free to a good home" in the classified ad that caught my eye during breakfast at George's Diner in Deerfield Beach.  I'll never forget introducing Maggie to this sweet super petite little puppy.  Maggie was initially not impressed and answered the introduction with an uncharacteristic little growl.  That lasted all of about fifteen seconds before they became the best of friends. 

Zoe idolized her big sister Maggie with a bond that never wavered.  This is one of my favorite pictures of little Zoe buried beneath the blankets sleeping with her big sister Maggie.

                              
As a puppy Zoe was so full of life. Always happy and energized Zoe added a unique personality far different than Maggie's laid back approach at life. She loved our travels quickly adjusting to a life on the road never missing an opportunity to ham it up when she could. This in contrast to her short past as a product of an Oklahoma puppy mill where she found herself in a south Florida pet shop for sale.



Zoe would mature into a strikingly regal yet petite red and white basset who was truly beautiful.  Zoe never met a camera that she couldn't pose for either resulting in some of our best shots.

While there isn't a day that goes by where her presence isn't felt it is the memories she left behind that I will always cherish.  The days spent on the road with Maggie and Zoe were some of the happiest memories of my life.  Till we meet again my dear sweet Zoe remember you were always loved.   

Sweet dreams Zoe Monster - sweet dreams.

 

Mulligan's journey's cross the bridge

This morning I sat with Mulligan stroking his head as he passed on to the bridge.  Over the past few days his condition went down hill as he once again lost the use of his hind legs.  Making this decision is the hardest one a person can make, but ultimately giving Mulligan the gift of ending his suffering is what makes our bond so sacred. 

I first saw Mulligan at the Walton County Shelter - he had no use of his hind legs and for all practical sense little chance of surviving his stay. I pulled him not to save him but to at least give him the dignity of being put to sleep with someone who cared. Despite being told by three vet's that euthanasia was our only option Mulligan proved an entirely different future was ahead of him.

While I wanted to give Mulligan every opportunity to fight on I was never going to allow him to suffer. While I will mourn his loss I will forever remember the feeling of great accomplishment when Mulligan took his first steps, the laughter he brought as he chased his poor beaten stuffed bunny around the room, the moans he used to let out when he didn't want to do his physical therapy and the look he would give me letting me know how much he appreciated everything we had been though.

In better days with his pal Toby

True to his couraqgeous nature Mulligan fought this illness with determination as well.  Now he is free to prance and run - and join the other hounds who passed before him.    Rest in peace dear friend.

Hey you, can you help me carry the stone?

Hey you, out there in the cold
Getting lonely, getting old
Can you feel me?
Hey you, standing in the aisles
With itchy feet and fading smiles
Can you feel me?



Hey you, dont help them to bury the light
Don't give in without a fight.

Hey you, out there on your own
Sitting naked by the phone
Would you touch me?
Hey you, with you ear against the wall
Waiting for someone to call out
Would you touch me?



Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone?
Open your heart, I'm coming home.

But it was only fantasy.
The wall was too high,
As you can see.
No matter how he tried,
He could not break free.
And the worms ate into his brain.

Hey you, out there on the road
always doing what you're told,
Can you help me?
Hey you, out there beyond the wall,
Breaking bottles in the hall,
Can you help me?



Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all
Together we stand, divided we fall.

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Whiter Shade of Pale

Zoe Monster & Bam Bam

We skipped the light fandango
turned cartwheels cross the sky

I was feeling kinda seasick
but the crowd called out for more
the room was humming harder
as the ceiling flew away




Jethro


So it was said later
as the mirror told it's tale

That his face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale



There is no reason
and the truth is plain to see
I wandered through my playing cards

Maggie Dawg

as the mirror told his tale
that her face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale
and would not let her be






although my eyes were open
they might have just as well've been closed

Ellie Mae

And so it was that later
as the mirror told it's tale
that her face, at first just ghostly,
turned a whiter shade of pale





Rest in Peace my sweet friends - you left your mark deep inside my heart with a whiter shade of pale.


Http://by20hounds.blogspot.com/

A special day for our special Beagle girl



Beagle's Shelter Mug Shot

 Today we celebrate our litlle "Beagle's" gotcha day.  It was nine years ago that we raced time to hurry down to the Spalding GA "gassing" shelter to rescue a poor scared beagle that dozens of advocates had sent to me.  At the time Spalding used to post the urgents with a troublesome line that included "this dog will be available until 4:30 PM......meaning at 4:31 the dog would be loaded into Spalding's "Gas Chamber" and killed.

We almost didn't make it - a traffic wreck on the interstate could have easily lead to "Beagle's" demise.  After pulling in with only minutes to spare I paid the twenty dollar adoption fee and headed back to find my dog.  What I saw was a terrified little beagle girl who drove her nails into the cement as I hoioked up her lead.  Her kennel cage was within seeing distance of "Ole Smokey" and I do believe that Beagle thought I was there to drag her into the chamber like so many that went before and never came out.

Beagle in 2001

Beagles have that highly sensitive nose which could sense the smell of death that drifts through the air every night at killing time.  After struggling with a determined girl who wasn't going down without a fight I finally was able to load her into my truck - she threw up the whole way home.

I had never intended to keep Beagle - after all, she wasn't a basset. I started calling her "Beagle" so as not to get attached.  Beagle had other ideas - after all, she's still here.  Through the years she has always been a bit on the skittish side with strangers - even been known to take a nip at someone's ankle if they got too close but she has also developed into the sweetest friend one could ever have.

Beagle has her routines but the funniest is her bedtime routine.  Every night she insists on crawling into bed to get her neck scratched - give her daddy a kiss and wander off to the end of the bed to sleep.  Her world is safe.  Since Beagle really didn't do well when I wasn't around I started taking her with me everywhere I went.  This extra attentionj has paid off with a very well rounded personaility she has developed.  While she now tolerates other people she still loves her daddy best.

Home at Last - Home for good

It's hard to imagine my little beagle girl is now approaching ten years of age.  She is the one who got me started in beagle rescue.  It was her survival that gave me reason to oppose the use of gassing for any shelter animal as cruel and unusual punishment for dogs who were guilty of nothing except the misfortune of having an irresponsible owner who dumped them in a gassing shelter.

Not to say that Beagle's "rescue" wasn't without challenges.  All of life's true rewards come through our tenacity to struggle and overcome.  It would take six months before little Beagle figured out the housetraining thing.  For years she's been an "ankle biter" whenever faced with strangers she didn't trust.  Patience has paid off through the years and Beagle has adjusted to all the confident beagle thjat she was supposed to be.  Today's her day = Happy Gotcha Day my little Beagle friend.

Am I Too Young at Heart

Now you wanna know the reason
Why I’m finished with you?
Well I had to be a hunter again.
To make life feel new again.

'Cause there's just a few things, honey

I'm not old enough to do for you.
And they're the things, momma
You never care to do.

So this flim-flam clown
Found him a flim flam town.
And his flamingo
Showed him how to tango.
And when they tangoed
It'd send his heart's a ‘flutter.

Teased him 'till he'd stutter.
Sweet to surrender
And so sweet surrender?

In sweet surrender.

Ahh, sweet surrender to life.

But now you're gonna go out
And get yourself
A reputation.

But I'm gonna have to show you
Where to start.

And then you're gonna bring back
Your little reputation

And prove to me
What I could not prove to you.

'Cause I was just too young at heart.
I'm just too cold,
Just too hard to care.
Just too hard, 'right?

To surrender?

If you could
Just surrender
Love would heal the mess we've made.

So give it up, 
It 'aint gonna be no good
It keeps goin' 'round and 'round.
You hurt me.
Then I hurt you again and again and again?

All that's left to do, ah.
Is give it up, Ahhhhhh?

No, no, give it up
And surrender,

Sweet surrender.
Surrender for love?

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